Misunderstandings and Friends
by thisbridgeismine
Summary: Allison's anniversary is coming up, and with Emily acting strange it leads to an arguement with Hanna.
1. Friends?

Disclaimer: If I did, I wouldn't be here and writing this nonetheless.

I gently run my fingers over my arm. The scars of what I had done always there to remind of who I was and who I lost. My first love.

"Emily?" I jump as Hanna startles me from my thoughts and I quickly remove my hand from my forearm.

"Oh. Uhh, hey Hanna, what's going on?" I reply trying to act calm and like I just wasn't caught doing anything.

She looks at me skeptically before answering, "Nothing. I just wanted to see how you were doing. You've been distant and with Allison's anniversary coming up I just wanted to make sure you're alright." She studies my arm for a second before looking up at my face.

"Yeah, I'm alright. You don't have to worry about me Han. I'm not going to do anything stupid." I say as I cross my arms against my chest. I know she is worried but I honestly don't feel like talking. Yet if I'm honest with myself what I feel like doing now is exactly what Hanna is worried about. I'm not going to tell her that though.

She takes a seat next to me on my bed and by the look on her face she is carefully thinking of what to tell me next. "Look Em, I'm not trying to offend you okay, but you are one of my best friends and with your history and the way you have been acting lately... Em, you aren't cutting again are you?"

Her question and forwardness startles me and angers me at the same time and with quick movements that make Hanna jump I stand up, "So what? Now I'm not allowed to feel sad because that means I'm cutting again? Well I don't go around asking you if you threw up after every meal, do I?" I immediately regret my words when I see the flash of pain across her face. "Han... I'm sorry. I didn't-"

She cuts me off before I can continue. "No Em, you did mean that. But you know what? At least I have the courage to ask for help instead of hiding behind closed doors with razors in my hand. You know what Emily, I'm tired. Just call me when you are ready to open up and ask for help." She says as she stands up and walks out the door.

"Hanna!" I call after her but it is already too late. Frustrated with myself I punch the wall and let the pain in my hand relax me as I throw myself on my bed. God, sometimes I'm just so stupid. I just feel so mad, I never told anyone about me and Allison and it hurts to think that now she's gone. So many things we didn't do, so many things I didn't get to tell her. I loved her. But she's gone now and I need to focus on what's here. I should call Hanna and apologize. I get my phone and call her but the phone goes straight to voicemail. Deciding quickly I head down the stairs and shout, "Hey mom I'm going to Hanna's."

"Be back for dinner!" I hear her shout as I walk out of the house.

A few minutes later I'm outside of the Marin household and I hesitantly walk up to the door and knock. A few seconds later Mrs. Marin answers the door, "Hello Emily, how are you dear?"

"I'm fine, thank you. How are you Mrs. Marin?"

"I'm great, thank you and please call me Ashley. Well, you're probably here to meet the girls so why don't you head on up to Hanna's room. "

"Thanks Mrs. Mari- I mean Ashley." I say as I start walking up the stairs. The girls. That means Aria and Spencer are here as well. As I neared the room I could hear their conversation as the door was slightly open.

"She was such a bitch." I hear Hanna say and though I know I deserve it, it still hurts.

Aria replies, "Well yeah but she was also our friend." Was. I know I was a bitch but I didn't think that they would abandon me like that.

"Who would have thought we'd be in this situation." Well at least Spencer didn't say anything bad. "Maybe she is better off dead."

Ouch. With that said I went back down the stairs to go home instead. Maybe they are right. Maybe I am better off dead. I wouldn't have to live a lie, I would be with Allison, and I wouldn't feel like I'm drowning anymore. I could be free and everyone would be happy. Mom and dad wouldn't have to be disappointed of their lesbian daughter and the girls wouldn't have to worry about this bitch anymore. Nobody would miss me and the ones that would, will get over it quickly.

"Emily, you're leaving so soon?" Mrs. Marin voice startles me from my thoughts.

Remembering to keep my voice even I reply, "Yeah. I just had to give something to Hanna." Thinking that this is probably the last time I'll see her I tell her, " Thank you Mrs. Marin you are a really a great person." With that said I walk out leaving her with a confused look on her face.

* * *

><p>As we are all, minus Emily, sitting down talking about Allison and A, we hear a knock on my door and become quiet. "Come in." I reply.<p>

I watch as my mom comes in, "Hi honey, I just wanted to ask you if Emily is alright?"

Emily? "Why do you ask? Did her mom tell you something?" I ask worried as I sit up straight.

"No. But she was just here and she was acting kind of strange."

"Wait. She was just here?"

She looks at me strangely before answering, "Yes she said she just came to give you something and left quickly. She wasn't in here?"

I quickly grab my phone and my jacket and motion at the girls to do the same. "Mom we're going to go see Emily."

"Okay honey, call me if anything."

"You don't think she heard what we were talking about, do you?" Aria asks me.

"I'm just hoping she didn't misinterpret our conversation." Spencer says.

With worry and guilt I reply, "I'm just hoping she's okay."

* * *

><p>I quietly make my way up to my room as soon as I enter the house. I can feel my heart beating rapidly in my chest. I've made my decision and even though I am scared I know I have made the right decision. I wish I could say that I wasn't scared during my last moments but I can't. I would have preferred to have used my razor for this but I don't want to leave a mess or an ugly sight for whoever finds me. I head into the bathroom and grab a bottle of pills and head for my room. Once inside I head under the covers and start swallowing. I close my eyes hoping this will be over soon.<p>

* * *

><p>I can feel my heart beating rapidly in my chest as I'm practically running to the Field's household. I knock on the door quickly. As soon as Pam opens the door I speak, "Hi Mrs. Fields, is Emily home?"<p>

"I thought she was at your house."

"She was but she left."

"Then she's probably in her room. Why don't you girls head on up." I quickly head up the stairs barely hearing the polite thank you from Spencer. As I open the door I see Emily's sleeping body under the covers. My body relaxes at the mere sight.

"See, she's just sleeping everything is alright." I hear Aria say.

I walk and sit next to her sleeping body. I gently brush a piece of hair out of her face but as I do my hand touches her skin and it feels alarmingly cold.

"Oh god." I jump out of the bed quickly

"What's wrong?" Aria and Spencer ask me simultaneously.

"Her skin is cold." I quickly remove the covers to see an empty bottle of pills in her hand.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck. Spencer, call an ambulance. Aria, go tell Mrs. Fields."

I feel as if everything is going in slow motion. I quickly grab her wrist to check for a pulse and the relief I feel is only for an instant as I look at her pale face. "Emily, please don't give up, it's going to be okay. You need to be okay." I want to cry but I know I need to remain strong.

"They're on their way" Spencer says and I can see the shock in her face, she doesn't know how to handle this situation.

Pam comes up with Aria in tow. "What's going on? Emily? Oh my god what happened." She rushes to Emily, "Sweetie, wake up. What's wrong? What happened to her?"

"She overdosed." I manage to say as the paramedics arrive. They quickly rush her out and I can see Mrs. Fields say something but I can no longer hear her. It's as if the world has gone deaf for a moment. Spencer follows her and Aria grabs my hand leading me to the car. Next thing I know I'm sitting in the waiting room but all I can think of is Emily's pale face, her cold skin, and somehow I can't help but think that this is somehow my fault.

* * *

><p>It's been a few hours and we haven't heard anything from the doctors. My mom just came in with food for us. She offers me food but I decline. I notice the worry stares from Aria and Spencer. I know what is going on through their heads, we already lost a friend, we almost lost another tonight and they don't want to worry about losing another. Yet I can't force myself to eat when one of my best friends is lying in a hospital bed and I don't even know if she is okay.<p>

"Hanna?" I look at Aria's worried face, "Hey it's going to be okay, Emily is a strong girl and she is going to be alright." With those words the numbness vanishes and my walls collapse and within seconds I'm crying so hard and all these emotions are flooding in me and overwhelming me. My only comfort is my friends who are now holding me.

* * *

><p>She's crying. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. She is crying. Pam is talking to the doctor and she is crying. I feel as if my heart has stopped and my body went cold. She hugs the doctor and makes her way over to us but with a… smile? She is smiling. Oh thank you god. That has to mean she is okay. Emily is going to be okay.<p>

"She's resting now but she is going to be okay." Pam says as she makes her way over to us and hugging me in the process, "Thank you, Hanna. You girls save my daughter tonight and I can never repay you for that."

"Can we see her?" I asked.

"One of you can come in with me." She glances at the three of us.

"You go Hanna." Aria says and Spencer nods in agreement. I follow Mrs. Fields into Emily's room. We both take seats on the chairs and I scoot close to Emily's bed. Besides everything she has gone through tonight she looks peaceful. After a while Emily's doctor comes in to talk about paperwork with Pam and they both leave. S the door closes I reach to hold Emily's hand which despite being cold is quite soft. As uncomfortable as it is I can feel myself starting to fall asleep in the chair, the tiredness catching up to me with the relief that Em is okay.

* * *

><p>Damn. My throat hurts. Now that I'm waking up I feel it is not only my throat but my stomach and my head. What happened, I ask myself as realization strikes and I realize that I should be 6 feet deep. I slowly open my eyes to realize I'm in a hospital. I feel something warm and soft in my hand and look down to see that it is in fact Hanna's hand. I quickly let go of her hand. This wasn't supposed to happen. I was supposed to be with Allison. I see Hanna start to stir, she's going to wake up and want some answers.<p>

I stare at her piercing blue eyes and I notice that they seem red and puffy, but why? She looks exhausted.

"Emily. Oh my god. How are you feeling? Do you want me to call the doctor?" She stops to take a breath and just as I'm about to answer she hugs me and starts crying. "I'm so glad you are okay, we were so worried, and don't you ever dare scare us like that again."

I'm shocked. Why would she care if I was alright, "Why do you care?" I croak out and realize just how much my throat hurts. A flash of pain across her face makes me feel guilty once again yet it frustrates me because I'm also feeling angry at this whole mess I created.

"Why do I care? Em, I love you, you're my best friend. I honestly don't know what I would do without you." She tells me as she stands up.

"Yeah well then why did you call me a bitch and say it I'd be better off dead." My throat still burned but I continued, "I'm not your friend anymore so why didn't you let me die. I could have been happy and with Allison right now."

"Are you crazy Emily, I would never wish you were dead-" Her face changes from determined to enlighten.

"You heard us talking didn't you, when you came over to my house."

"So now you admit it."

"Em, we were talking about Allison. How it's probably better that she is dead because she doesn't have to deal with A."

What? Now I'm confused. "But you said I was a bitch?"

"We were talking about Allison. Don't get me wrong she was our friend but she could also be a real bitch sometimes."

"So you guys were not talking about me?" Realization of this whole situation hits and suddenly I feel really, really stupid.

"We were, but that conversation was not about you. But please don't worry about that now. Right now we are going to focus on getting you better, okay?" She sits back down and holds my hand.

I feel so overwhelmed and stupid at the moment but most of all I'm really tired. Maybe there is a reason why I didn't die. Maybe I do belong in this world. As I fall asleep I think that maybe and just maybe everything is going to be all right, after all I do have my best friends.


	2. Nostalgia

Disclaimer: If I did, I wouldn't be here and writing this nonetheless.

* * *

><p>"Emily you know I love you right?" I feel butterflies in my stomach as I look into her blue eyes.<p>

"You do?" I ask as a smile graces my lips.

"Yeah I do, but I'm not in love with you so I don't want you to get any ideas okay." I feel my heart drop to my stomach and my smile is quickly replaced with a frown.

"Oh." Is the only reply I can manage and just as I've resigned myself to this unrequited love she places a soft kiss on my lips and gathers her things.

"I'll see you tomorrow Emmy." She winks at me with a smile and walks out of my room, her blonde hair swishing in the air as she leaves.

I sit there stunned as I try to process the last few minutes. I love her, I do but sometimes I wonder if she loves me back. Just when I think she doesn't care about me, she does something that makes me think otherwise.

* * *

><p>The memorial was nice but very tiring. It brought back many memories both wanted and unwanted. But in general it just brought pain, I still love her and she is gone. I wish I could give her one last kiss, one final goodbye. I head into my room and throw myself on my bed not bothering to change out of my dress. I wonder how things would have been had she still been alive. The knock on the door startles me.<p>

"Come in."

My mom opens the door as she looks at me with concern. "Honey, unless you are changing, please keep the door open." Ever since the incident she has instructed an open door policy all the time. "Oh and your friends are here do you want me to send them up or to tell them you are resting?" She has also been extra careful around me as if I'm going to break if she says a wrong word.

"They can come up, thanks mom." I give her a smile to show her that I'm okay. My phone rings indicating a new text message.

_You really are a failure, couldn't even succeed at suicide. How about you try harder next time. –A_

I put my phone down as Aria, Spencer, and Hanna come in. Trying to remain calm, I really don't need to think about this bitch right now.

"Hey Em, How are you feeling?" Aria asks as she sits at the end of my bed, Spencer on my desk chair and Hanna lies next to me.

"I'm good." I lied. Even though I'm grateful for my friends and all, but for a while now I have felt disconnected. I force myself to smile when appropriate and comment when expected but pretending isn't only hard, it is also tiring. Aria gives me a meaningful stare, knowing that those words are far from the truth. "It's hard, I miss her and it still hurts but I'm trying to move forward."

"Don't worry Emily we'll help you get through this okay." Spencer says while offering me a comforting smile.

"Yeah we'll be best friends forever Emmy." Hanna says as she offers me a hug. Her words don't provide much comfort as they trigger a memory.

* * *

><p>"Thanks for coming to the fair with me Emily."<p>

"Yeah, you're welcome Ali, you know I would do anything for you. I just don't understand why you didn't want to invite the other girls." Even though I'm curious, I'm really glad to be spending time with her.

"That's because you are special Em. Me and you, we'll be best friends forever Emmy." She says with her trademark smile as she leads me to the Ferris wheel.

* * *

><p>"Hey, you okay? Hanna asks while waving her hand in my face, and Spencer and Aria look at me worried. "You were spacing out, what's up?"<p>

"I'm just remembering Allison. She said those same words to me once."

"Oh. Sorry." Hanna says.

"Don't be. Sometimes it's nice to remember."

"But sometimes it isn't." Spencer says. We all loved her as much as we hated her. She made us feel special but she also made us feel like trash. I feel the pain in my chest and know that I really want to be alone right now.

"I think I'm going to go to take a nap." I say hinting that I want to be alone.

"Are you sure you want to be alone?"

"I think what you meant is do I think I should be left alone?" I snapped back but regret it instantly knowing that she only is worried about me because she cares about me. They all do. "I'm sorry Aria, I just have a headache and I'm really tired, and you have every right to worry but I know that what I did was very stupid and I won't be trying something like that anytime soon." I notice their worry glances and quickly add with a smile, "I'm just kidding guys. I won't be trying anything like that at all or ever." Yet I know that it is only half true because what I _did_, is like cutting, you never forget and the urge never goes away regardless of your choice to refrain from such actions. They all give me a nervous smile, they want to believe that I will be all right but they're scared, I can see it in their eyes.

"Well, I guess we'll leave you to rest, good bye Emily." Spencer gives me a quick hug and leaves.

"Yeah, I hope you feel better Em." Aria says as she hugs me as well and leaves.

That leaves Hanna, "I know you don't want us to worry, I know you want to move on from this and pretend it never happened but I'm afraid that life will push you down and one day you'll be too tired that you won't get up and I won't be there to help you up. I'm afraid of walking into your room and seeing that I was too late. If you ever want to talk, I don't care if it's 2 am but you call me or any of us. I don't think I can handle losing you…" I can see her trying to hold back her tears. All this time I've been thinking about me and not how all of this affected my friends and family.

I wrap my arms around her and hold her. As she cries into my shoulder, I whisper into her ear, "It'll be okay Hanna." I gently rub circles on her back.

"I should be the one comforting you," She says with a grimace as she rubs her eyes.

"Sometimes we just got to comfort each other. What are friends for?" I add with a smile.

* * *

><p>"I'm really nervous about my first kiss. I mean what if it sucks." I turn from my desk to look at Alison who is currently lying on my bed reading magazines.<p>

"You worry too much Emily just go with what feels right." She says without looking up from her magazine.

I don't reply, I simply continue staring at my computer. I recently started dating Ben and even though I don't want to kiss him I know that I can't avoid it forever. Lost in my thoughts I'm surprised when suddenly my chair is spun around and I'm met face to face with my best friend. Without hesitation she presses her lips to mine and starts to kiss me gently but the kiss ends as quick as it began.

"You worry too much Emily." She says in a low voice as she goes back to my bed and continues reading her magazine as if nothing just happened.

She left me speechless yet I manage to croak out, "Thanks."

She gives me small smile and says, "What are friends for?"

* * *

><p>"Well I guess I'll let you rest but text me later." She lets go of me and looks into my eyes as if trying to read my thoughts.<p>

"Sure." I give her a reassuring smile and as soon as she walks out, I throw myself on my bed with a sigh. Why can't I just get over her? But I know the answer to that. She made me feel special.

* * *

><p>"What a beautiful night." I say looking at the stars as we are both riding the Ferris wheel.<p>

She smiles before replying, "Not as beautiful as you."

Her compliment makes me blush and I feel the butterflies in my stomach kick in. "Thanks," I whisper, "I think you are beautiful too."

"I know you do." And with that, she returns to staring at the sky once more.

* * *

><p>AN: PrincyJessie: Thanks for my first review. LaughLoveLiveXx: Thanks for the compliment, I'm glad I was able to present this issue well. Anonymous reviews: I'm glad you like the story. Also thanks to those who alerted or favorite. Special thanks to Sora Yagami who kind of inspired this chapter. Saludos a Mexico.


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